The Tillman / Pafel marriage union took place Friday morning 2/21 in our local, Baltimore county courthouse. I must say I was completely Un-Tillmanator - which is a good thing. I maintained a cool, calm and collected attitude leading up to the moment of speaking the marriage vows aloud, and THEN BOOM, the emotional flood-gates opened and I cried a river onto the courthouse civil ceremony room floor. I could see in Tracy's eyes the surprise as her eyes grew wide and full...with a look that spoke silently: "Should I be concerned?! OMG. I was the one who was going to lose control and cry." Nope, it was me crying a river, the Tillmanator, being very un-Tillmanator-ish.
Being analytical means you dissect things. You plan. You naturally create algorithms and logical schemas. There are always patterns.
But in the moment of saying my vows aloud to Tracy, holding her hands in mine, and trying to maintain that deep gaze into her big, brown beautiful eyes, there was nothing to analyze. I felt. I felt amazing emotion. Deep connection. Deep trust. I felt the culmination of our nearly ten years of getting to that moment. I felt the amazing love I carried in my heart and soul for her. I felt so grateful to have this woman stand before me, holding MY Hands, and looking deep into my eyes.
I felt love.
And it was overwhelming...
And I will lie if I said I didn't analyze this one thing: will the legal clerk and Tracy understand my muffled voice and words underneath this river of joy....
And will I drown?
To love and all things non-Tillmantorish.
PS: I raced Monster CX sunday and it was flipping hard and awesome and amazing.
But pales as a blog post compared to my big life event 2/21.
I love you T,
Jen
